April 20th, 2016

Setting our kids up for success from an early age is what we all want to do and there are definite ways that we can help our kids get off to a great start. However, there are also ways that we can be an obstacle to the natural growth and development of our kids.

Unfortunately we do this under the misguided notion that we are helping and the results can be the opposite of what we intend. I came across an article on Twitter,Simplifying Childhood May Protect Against Mental Health Issues. It was one of those articles where it hit at just the right time and connected a lot of dots for me and I wanted to share it with you.
Dawn and I said all along that we would be different from the families that over schedule their kids and run from activity to activity each night of the week and even more on the weekends. But sure enough, we soon found our schedules packed each night of the week and our weekends taken for months in advance. The little bit of down time we did have was spent arguing about how we needed to squeeze this in or get that done because things were going to get crazy again soon. We were finding what was supposed to be quality family time was often combative because we all needed time to decompress. This left everyone angry and not wanting to talk. Things were broken. Looking at the article it makes sense.

A few ideas from the article that stuck out to me;

• We have entered a unique period in which, rather than struggling to provide enough, parents are unable to resist providing too much.
• Modern day children are exposed to a constant flood of information which they can't process or rationalize. They're growing up faster as we put them into adult roles and increase our expectations of them. 
• Normal personality quirks combined with "too much" can propel children into the realm of disorder.
•  In a study in which the lives of children with attention deficit disorder were simplified. Within four short months 68% went from being clinically dysfunctional to clinically functional. The children also displayed a 37% increase in academic and cognitive aptitude, an effect not seen with commonly prescribed drugs like Ritalin. (Simplified meaning they took away toys and activities.)
• We enroll our kids in endless activities and schedule play dates with precision. We fill every space in their room with educational books, devices, and toys.
• When children are overwhelmed they lose the precious down time they need to explore, reflect and release tension. Too many choices erodes happiness, robbing kids of the gift of boredom which encourages creativity and self-directed learning. And most importantly "too much" steals precious time.
• So, how do we as parents protect our kids in this new "normal" society has created?
  Simple, we say no.

We have tried to do this over the past year and have noticed a gradual shift in the amount of arguments that we are experiencing. We have set "down" time after school for the kids to play whatever they want. Sometimes we join them sometimes they play on their own. It is not easy at first. Kids will say they are bored and they have nothing to do. Wait it out and they will come up with something to do. We turn the TV off and limit our kids exposure to the gloom and doom of the days news. No matter what our schedule throws at us we protect dinner time with everything we have. We sit down together and eat and talk. We wait out the desire for the latest and greatest gadget and usually that desire passes in a week or so. We are far from having it all figured out, but have found that these small steps have put some fun back in, not just our kids lives, but ours as well.